Random feeling post.

Being super random, bored, emotional at this time. What to do? All i can do is only blogged out my freaking feelings out. Yes i'm crying. Crying right now. My heart is bursting, brain is bursting, everything is bursting. I need someone to help me stop all this things, actually nobody could only you. But fuck, i know you're no longer there, no longer worthy. I don't know why the fuck i can't move on. I'm so tired of stucking here, I'm serious. I want to do something to stop all this. Crappy stuffs. At least, i don't hurt myself now. Because i know there's no point. But my heart just keep aching. Every single time. Seeing you worry her, caring her, sweet talk her, everything hinders me. I wonder when would i stop. Like stop thinking about you. Maybe for a day i also happy. But i freaking can't i really can't i didn't say i never try. I really did try to put you aside for a day. But i still can't. Why isit just so hurting today. I wasn't like this the last few nights, as in not so sad like how i am now.. I told myself you doesn't love me at all. I told myself you cheated on me. I told myself you deserve her more than me. I told myself you're much happier with her. I told myself you really love her. I told myself she's much prettier than me. I told myself i have to forget you. I told myself all this aren't worth it. I told myself you wouldn't be back. I told myself i had enough of all this crap and heartbreaks. BUT FUCK. I STILL LOVE YOU. FUCKING CRAZY.
1. My friend told me, you're not worthy at all.
I know she isn't worthy for me to cry for every single night, to love her so much like a fool and she wouldn't bother. I know she would repeat the same old mistake again. I know i never once stand something in her & maybe.. she didn't even once love me at all.
2. My friend told me, i deserve better.
I freaking don't deserve anybody better, I just want you. The incomplete you, the current you, simply.. you. Although you hurt me like umpteen times, i still love you & don't mind getting hurt by you again.
3. My friend told me, you're in love with her.
Yes i know, I'm not blind. I'm accepting the fact that she's in love with her. Even if i know you love her i still love you. There isn't a wrong? Unless you tell me i CANNOT love you. I will stop loving you. & forget all those little promise we made after we became friends.
4. My friend told me, i changed a lot.
Yes, I become more and more emotional, more than before. I become more and more bitchy. I become more and more restless till my mum don't even know what's wrong with me. Ignore my mum everytime, ignore my friend text just because i'm crying and i want to be alone. Act like it doesn't hurt at all. Smile through each day. Laugh through each day.
5. My friend told me, just simply forget you.
You think i didn't try? As i said earlier on, i freaking tried. I really tired forgetting you so much that i do all kinds of ways to forget you but still. I can't i really can't. Memories, flashbacks, promises stop me from doing so. At least you moved on but that doesn't mean i could. I'm not as strong as you. Or maybe you can say. Our memories didn't matter at all that... you could forget it so easily. Wow. I admire. I finally understood how Ellen feel. Why she hate me so much.
6. My friend told me to hate you.
Oh wow. Hate you? I freaking love you & you want me to hate someone i love so much, Someone i love for freaking 7 months. Hohoho. Sorry i can't i'm going to like love her for 8 months already. Freaking 8 months Rachel. You freaking love a person so long but it happen she don't give a fuck, she don't bother, she wouldn't bother, she wouldn't care. she would be gone.
AH FUCK. LIFE STILL GOES ON. I DONT KNOW HOW TO CONTINUE THIS POST ANYMORE. BYE.