You aren't mine anymore, but i still treat you as mine.

If those who followed me on twitter, or maybe some friends and those not really very close friends. Some of you should know. I have trusting issues. So it's really very irritating when people don't understand why i don't want to trust them. It's not i never try not to trust them. I really did & i really want to trust them. So it's going to be a long story, Maybe it includes my life. I may receive bad comments about it. But still. i'm writing about it.
Since primary 4 i know i guy, It should be just those immature kids love and games. I loved him for 2 years. Be with him for 2 years. It seems that he got matured fast, and we did something we shouldn't did. In Primary 6 :') How awesome. I was immature and young. Thought that it was okay. Went to Secondary 1.
Found out in my class. I'm the only girl losing that. I got really upset. I got guilty. I'm glad that my closed friends didn't mind the fact that i'm not that anymore. Soon, my class guys knew. They helped me keep it a secret. They still accepted me as friends. I'm happy, very very happy. But after having their acceptance, I thought it's really normal for having sex. I'm so cheap during that period of time, I swear. Guys asked me for ***. Agreed. Fuck. i know this is disgrace to girls. But i learnt my lessons through everything. Cause in guys mind. There's only ***, I trusted them so much but in the end, all they want is just ***.
So come to talk about my relationship, i may not look pretty but i have 72 ex. I really hate that amount. I swear. I wanna something like between the range of 1-10. But ohwell, let me continue. Every time i put in the effort in the r/s it always ended up. OPPOSITE. Its like i freaking trust them everytime. They always betrayed my trust. So... ohwell, That's part of the reason why i don't really trust my boyfriend that easily. If once you betrayed my trust for you. I swear it's going to be a long time for that trust to come back.
That's the part of why i had a hard time trusting people. And i really don't like my past. Is totally, so cheap. Sigh. Alright, I'll tell you guys what happen between me & my 'ex'.
As you should know, i'm really depressed recently if i should let my 'ex' go. And everytime, i said i wanted to let go, i wouldn't in the end, right? And people simply say i break promise and stuffs. But yep. We finally broke.. today.. She asked for break though. It's okay. :') I don't mind getting ditch by her. Afterall, its like all her previous ex is her ex ditch her. So i'm an exception this time. I'm trying to put on a smile, letting you making decision in everything. So ohwell, we're friends now. We tends to talk more and lesser arguements. Ohwell, that's what we want right? You know what. My trust for you rise a little. Because... i find out something that i misunderstood you all the while... Maybe now my trust for you now is like 25/100? Alot right? It would increase.. slowly. Maybe by the time school re-open. It would be already. 100/100 YEAH! Haha. I hope during this meantime. Nothing changes between us. Because the fact that i love you, it's still the same. Sigh, Please be alright now... You aren't replying my text and i'm a little worried. Geez. Shall post tomorrow! Going to like climb mountain, play tennis, play bowling tomorrow!  HEHE <3 Busy day ahead. Sooooooooooo, goodbye!