Faded feeling? I'm not sure.

The smile on my face isn't the smile i used to have. Why am i always acting strong when i'm not.. Why am i being such bitchy recently.. Why am i having such a sucky attitude.. Why the r/s between me & you feel so different now.. Why am i feeling so hurt now.. The hurting period is back. I kept thinking otherwise. I kept doubting your love. I talked to P & K is because i don't want me to think so much. & due to this, i neglect your feeling. Sigh, You doesn't know how much i love you. I don't show it out like i used to be but you know my feelings never changed but even got deeper? My head really hurts now.. My heart hurts too.. My mind hurts too.. My soul hurts too.. Baby.. I'm basically very hurt now. But do you know how hurt am i feeling? I feel like dying now & end all this pain. I feel like ignoring what's happening around me. Whenever i miss you so much, i didn't say it out.. Because.. I don't want you to feel irritated by me. Although you're always the one who take the effort to wait for me & come to yck to find me even though we meet for a little while. But you know. I never once didn't enjoy the time when i'm with you.. Sigh.. Baby, how i wish.. We could get back to normal. I know you're going to be very busy next month due to your schl stuffs & i'm going to be hongkong too! It's like.. feelings do fade after a long period of time if we didn't meet. Okay. I can't continue posting, i might break down in any minute. You know i really miss those time we once had and not how we are now.. :(